


Dreams and Secrets

by Kali_Maa



Series: For the Love of Ellana [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Cullen Rutherford Smut, Cullen Smut, Cullenlingus (Dragon Age), Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fade Sex, Fingering, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Inquisitor & Dorian Pavus Friendship, Oral Sex, Shameless Smut, Solavellan Hell, just skipping right over that fade kiss and going for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-12-26 21:54:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18290981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kali_Maa/pseuds/Kali_Maa
Summary: Ellana paced back and forth. What had she done?This is a retelling of May the Dread Wolf Take You from my Inquisitors point of view. It’s semi canon but for the most part just a shameless excuse for smut.





	1. What the hell was that?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece/Ellana POV from my story 'May The Dread Wold Take You'. I would suggest you read that first, however please note there are some dub-con elements to that story. Don't read it if you are sensitive to it. Although I believe this story will resolve that, ultimately its part of the 'kink'?  
> I am still not a real writer. I mostly just write little fantasies for myself. But I guess occasionally it's good to get out of your comfort zone.

_He_ was all she could think about. It started innocently enough. He was her advisor. A trusted friend. He had saved her. Not just her life. They had all saved one another’s lives. But he saved her from the loneliness that came from her position. People respected her, but Ellana still always felt the distance between she and her companions. Yes she had Dorian but Dorian had The Iron Bull. Bull even called her ‘boss’. Although, she thought with amusement, the glint in his eyes often left her wondering if there was more to it than her position. And while she truly considered them all friends, there was a closeness, and bond she shared with Solas that was like no other.

She remembered the moment it changed for her.

The nightmares.

It started with the nightmares. The red lyrium. The blood. Every night her traumatized mind transported her back to that place. Trying to prevent, trying make sense of the senseless. She would wake screaming, covered in sweat that mingled with tears that wouldn’t stop falling. Then one night she heard him whisper to her. His warm hand caressing her shoulder. His words pushed the nightmares away and replaced them with peaceful dreams. Most of the time the dreams were of her childhood. Spending time with her clan. Learning to hunt initially and then honing her magic once it emerged.

But occasionally when he soothed away the nightmares, she dreamt of Skyhold. But…not Skyhold. In these dreams she wandered her stronghold like a stranger within its walls. Not recognizing the furniture that seems to grow from the ground it stood upon. The windows were so clear you only knew they existed when they caught the sun and an ethereal beam of light bathed the room. Plush rugs seemingly made from the softest living sweet grass. The stone walls seemed to emit warmth rather than the cold hardness she was familiar with. She was never sure why Skyhold was so different in these dreams but it offered her a peace she couldn’t refuse.

At least until she made her way to the gardens during a particularly vivid dream. That was the first time she saw him.

That was the moment everything changed. A man. An elf. HIM. It was Solas, but also not Solas. He was different, just like Skyhold. This elf was younger. He wore robes that seemed to be made from the same light that beamed through the windows. His hair was long and flowing. Accentuated by wisps of gold wrapped and intertwined in intricate braids. When he turned to face her, his dark blue eyes were hungry, feral. Ellana didn’t know whether to run toward him or away from him. So, she stood frozen. He stalked towards her, regal, beautiful and took her by the hand. The other snaked around her waist as if they were to dance. But he held her there.

“Solas?”, her voice shook.

He smiled a toothy, devilish grin.

 _“Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma_ ”, he whispered against her ear.

His words sent heat through her body. A mixture of fear and desire.

He pulled her close as if to kiss her. She glanced down to the jawbone necklace pressed between them and woke from the dream with a start.

“What the hell was that” she whispered to herself.

From that moment on Ellana was constantly staring at Solas looking to see how her mind could have conjured this other version of him. She was fairly certain it was just a dream. Although she didn’t completely dismiss the possibility that she had been drawn into the fade. But the _Other_ Solas didn’t feel like a spirit or a demon. It felt like him. Smelled like him. Only more. But then again, her dreams and nightmares had been so vivid recently that it was difficult to distinguish reality from fantasy once she closed her eyes.

Ellana began making excuses to be around him more than usual. Asking questions she could have gone to Dorian or Cassandra with. Asking him to accompany her on every little errand. She let her touches linger too long. But he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he didn’t even seem to notice she thought with frustration.

‘He thinks of me as a child,’ she thought. He even calls me Da’len. Granted, she called him Ha’ren, but it was almost starting to feel less like a term of respect and more like her very own dirty little secret. It was frustrating. She was the Herald of Andraste. She laughed to herself at the thought. An icon of a Shem religion she has thought of as silly. Superstitious. But she was also The Inquisitor. People quaked in her presence. She did not back down. She struck down enemies without doubt or hesitation. Sometimes even enjoying it a little. More than a little. And still, he saw her as a child. Why?

Maybe she should focus on something else. Or someone else. Hmmmm. There was always The Commander. He was very good looking for a human. Oh and he watched her like a hawk. At first it was due to his distrust of her. The way she entered this crazy situation. The fact that she was a mage. But soon his gaze changed. And wandered. Did it wander. Often to her cleavage as she leaned over the war table re-positioning pieces.

Then there was Blackwall. He never hid his admiration from her. He openly flirted with her when they were alone in the stables. Or when everyone had retired to their tents for the evening.

But when she tried to picture either of them in her bed. Hands roaming, tongues exploring. They turned to Solas’s hands. Sliding down her body. His thumb grazing her nipples until they stood at attention. Making their way down to her waist. Unlacing her breeches and reaching down into her smallclothes...

“Inquisitor?”

“INQUISITOR!”...Leliana snapped her fingers at Ellana to get her attention. “Are you feeling well? You look rather, flushed” she said with a smirk. That woman doesn’t miss a void damned thing.

“Uh yes, I mean no. I mean...” Ellana blushed furiously.

‘I need to go hit some things.’ She thought to herself.

“Let’s continue this tomorrow.” Ellana said as she spun on her heels and was out the door before anyone had a chance to respond. Leaving her inner circle staring at each other in confusion and concern. However, they all knew by the tone of her voice it was a command rather than a suggestion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to FenXShiral and Project Elvhen for giving naughty Solas this dirty little gem;  
> “Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma” - I want to come inside if you until i spill out of you. 
> 
> tsk tsk
> 
> Also a special thanks to enjoynoadvantages for getting me out of my own fear and off of my lazy butt!


	2. “What love triangle?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian counsels Ellana. Cute friendship banter ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. Although none of them will ever be very long. I just had Dorian's voice in my head demanding I let him be heard.

“Are you listening to me?” Ellana demanded.

Dorian and Ellana sat in their usual spot in the library. Ellana invaded the cozy little nook that Dorian has claimed for himself. And truthfully, he was thrilled whenever she showed up to ‘annoy him’. He too felt isolated for most of the time he had been with the Inquisition. And if he were being honest, most of his life. Having a true friend was something he had only ever experienced once before. It was the only thing that felt like ‘Home’.

Dorian would sit with his book in his lap and his knees pulled up so that she could lean against him like her very own human chair. He often thought to himself that this is what it would have been like to have a sister.

“It was something about how I get my hair so shiny. And frankly my dear I am SO glad you finally asked…” Dorian said feigning disgust.

“Dorian!”, Ellana interrupted, obviously annoyed.

Dorian reached out to brush her hair to the side in a comforting gesture.

“Yes Kitten, I heard every word…not a child…Herald of Andraste…I just happen to be talented enough to continue my research while entertaining the, forgive me, terribly dull details of your little love triangle”, Dorian mocked. He wore his usual playful smirk. Sometimes he just couldn’t help himself.

“What love triangle?”, She shot back as she whipped her head to the side and peered over her shoulder at him.

“Why, the one between you, the hobo apostate and your behemoth ego my dear.” He retorted.

Dorian could feel the instant change in her. It was quite similar to the energy she emitted when an enemy entered her space and he immediately regretted poking fun at her when clearly she was out of her comfort zone.

“Now now, take a deep breath my little rage demon. Your ego, much like your atrocious temper is both endearing and a deep source of my affection for you. But really, at some point you are going to have to stop expecting him to have a ‘Come to the Maker’ moment regarding his feelings for you.” He said.

Ellana snorted at ‘Come to the Maker’ moment. Sometimes it was easy to forget Dorian was Andrastian.

He was also absolutely right. Her feelings had changed for Solas, but why did she assume his changed as well. Why did she expect him to suddenly see her as more than a friend? Clearly, she needed to let him know. This was quite simple after all. She would simply walk into the rotunda and ask to speak to him immediately.

 **“No”** , Dorian said.

“No what?” She replied, finally turning to face him. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“Pfft”, he huffed. “No you didn’t _say anything_ , but I know you El. I can practically hear the gears turning in that pretty little head of yours. You love the bloodshed, yes? But not the war room. I see it in your eyes you want to charge right into battle without a plan. Without knowing your opponent.”

“This isn’t a battle Dorian.” She responded. Annoyed that he could see right through her.

“Bwahahahah!” Dorian’s laugh echoed through the library, much to the annoyance of the other patrons.

“Shhhhh!”, A mage looked up from an impressively large tome and pressed her fingers to her lips.

“Oh shush yourself!” he shot back.

Dorian turned his attention back to Ellana.

“It most certainly is a battle. Love is war sweet girl. And while I am not weak to your, ‘particular weapons’…”

(Ellana rolled her eyes)

“…the fact that other men practically turn into drooling Mabari in your presence, leads me to deduce that you are specifically equipped for your target in this case.” Dorian winked at her.

Ellana sat in silence for a minute thinking.

 “Does this have anything to do with Bull smirking every time he calls me ‘Boss’?’ she asked.

“Focus Ellana!”

“…and yes.” He laughed. “Don’t you dare repeat that!”

 


	3. “What am I doing?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There shall be fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the hardest time with this chapter. I feel like it didn't translate well from my head.  
> All I can think are dirty thoughts. No wonder Ellana is all over the place!
> 
> Also once I became pretty powerful in the game I really did go out with two mages and two rogues. I was practically a tank myself at the point. Mage-tank. So hopefully you all can relate.

Ellana spent the next few days in a foul mood. She tried Dorian’s approach. When she visited Solas she stood closer than normal during conversations. She held eye contact a bit longer than necessary. She frequently brushed her hand along his when pointing to various lines in book they were discussing.

Nothing.

She even considered wearing perfume sent to her from some Orlesian twit begging for her hand in marriage to bolster his political power.

She initially tossed it into the bin with the noble’s pathetic attempt at a love note which read like a vendor contract.

Ellana had stared at the bottle in the little pile of trash thinking back to her conversation with Josephine and Leliana regarding the Comte and his marriage contract.

“ _You discarded the gifts from the Comte?” Josephine asked incredulously. “But they were exceedingly rare and expensive. Perhaps you should reconsider…”_

_“I have no time or interest in Orlesian frivolities Josie.” Although she did not mention keeping the silk smalls included in the package. That would simply be wasteful Ellana thought. Focusing on how lovely the material felt against her skin._

_“It is indeed a shame.” Leliana interjected with casual tone. “That fragrance is made from a very distinct species of Felandaris. It is considered amongst many to be an aphrodisiac. Its name ‘Désir Ardent’, literally means 'intense desire'”._

_Josephine covered her mouth and giggled. Leliana smiled at Ellana. Her expression saying only what she wanted it to say. ‘I know your secret’._

_Ellana blushed furiously before agreeing to reconsider. She was thinking of Solas._

She eventually made her way back to her quarters and fished the bottle out of the trash. Thankful her quarters had not yet been cleaned and even more thankful no one could see the intense burn in her cheeks.

_“What am I doing?”_

_***_

Dorian’s mockery at her tragic attempts at flirting was also not helping.

He couldn’t even manage a straight face anymore. “I told you Kitten, elderflower hair oil will fix you right up.” He teased.

She had come from a Dalish clan she reminded him. There was never any privacy. Any trysts were usually quick fumbles in the forest. They were rarely away from prying eyes which meant no open flirting. Add to the fact that Ellana attracted her share of attention and had never had to work very hard for it, rendering any need for seduction on her part irrelevant. She was so far out of her element she had nearly all but given up.

Truth be told she really needed to focus on the task at hand. Saving Thedas.

This became painfully obvious when she nearly took a broadsword to the face while battling a random group of bandits.

Solas, Ellana, Varric and Cole were on what was supposed to be a simple trip to extend an invitation to a group of rebel mages. They were well within the area of influence spread by the Inquisition. Two mages and two rogues were an unusual group. But the Rebel mages were unsure whether they would be truly welcome within the Inquisition, or whether the rumors had been a trap. This was a diplomatic mission only to demonstrate the diversity of the Inquisition.

Unfortunately, the journey was not as uneventful as the Inquisition scouts had predicted. Several groups of bandits had recently made their way into the area. Hoping to pick off merchants traveling to and from the Inquisition stronghold. It was one of these groups that came disturbingly close to ending everything they had worked for when one of the bandits managed to knock Ellana to the ground. Her reaction time was not its normal breakneck speed and had it not been for a well-timed barrier from Solas, she would have been struck down.

The group made its way back to camp in silence. Everyone began their various tasks to settle in for the evening. It was ultimately Solas who spoke first.

“Inquisitor, are you planning to tell me what exactly happened back there?” Solas’s tone holding an uncharacteristic tinge of anger.

Ellana didn’t bother to ask. She knew exactly what he meant. But his sudden hostility caught her off guard.

“I…I don’t know!” Ellana resigned. Anger and frustration seethed just under her skin. She did not want to discuss this right now. But she knew what the problem was. She was exhausted. She rarely slept anymore due to the nightmares. She was distracted, by him.

“Not a sufficient response Ellana. This is why I advised you to allow Cassandra or The Iron Bull to join us. I cannot protect you with barriers alone.” Solas said. He seemed to grow angrier with each word.   

Ellana was more than irritated as she clinched her fists at his sharp tone. She was embarrassed. Her blood was boiling. And now she was indeed ready for another fight and she didn’t care with whom. Adrenaline pumped through her veins in massive quantities.

She spun around ready to pounce but when her eyes met Solas’s she saw no malice. His expression did not match his words. All she saw was an unfamiliar mixture fear and relief.  And the anger rushed out of her.

“I know Solas, I know. I thought we could handle it. This trip was supposed to be uneventful. These roads were reported cleared. The truth is, I am tired. I haven’t been…I don’t…I just need a bit of rest.”

Varric looked at her with sympathy. She hated that look.

They all knew about the nightmares. They heard her at night in her tent. Sometimes little whimpers or cries. Other nights screaming in fear or agony. She knew her friends felt helpless. Ellana still hated that look.

“Fear, blood, hopelessness, you failed them all before. You will fail them all again. They died. He died and there is nothing you can do.” Cole said. “But they didn’t die. He didn’t die. It doesn’t make since. He is right…”

“Ok Kid.”, Varric interrupted. “I think Firefly has had enough for today. Lets you and I grab some more firewood and look for baby fennecs. I know you love baby fennecs. Give these two a chance to sort things out…

“...or kill each other.” Varric mumbled under his breath.

“I want to help. But I DO like baby fennecs.” Cole said as he followed Varric away from the campsite. “Do you think I could pet one?”. He continued as they trailed off into the woods.

Ellana would have to find a way to repay Varric. She exhaled and chanced a glance at Solas who as it turns out, was making his way towards her.

He stood in front of her and she prepared herself to be chastised again. Instead he took her face into his hands and locked eyes with her.

“You almost died Ellana. We cannot lose you”? He said with a shaky voice.

Ellana gazed up into his dark blue eyes.

“You mean you cannot lose the anchor.” She responded with more bitterness than she intended.  

“No, Ellana. We cannot lose **you**. I cannot lose you Falon.” He said. And placed a kiss on her forehead.

Ellana reeled. She could swear she heard his heartbeat quicken.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit Kali..get to the smut already!


	4. Did you dress me like this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another night on the road. Another night full of dreams for Ellana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Not tent sex but definitely NSFW.  
>   
> Inspiration for Ellana's gown  
> https://pin.it/do7cnkwppkj3x4

Ellana ran through the halls of the Redcliffe. Arrows flew past her ears alarmingly close. She could not will her legs to move any faster. She felt as though she were slogging through mud. She looked down at her feet, boots covered in blood and black ichor. She would have wretched had she not been nearly crippled with fear.

Locked cells lined the walls of the hallway she raced though. She was in the dungeon. Red lyrium crystals grew in each cell as well as the cells’ captives. She met the red glowing eyes of so many familiar faces. They stared blankly as she raced past them. She wanted to stop. She had to help them. She couldn’t simply leave them to die like this.

Because of her. Because she failed.  Ellana began to slow. Not like this!

“Ellana we can’t stop!” A familiar voice rang out from ahead.

Dorian, she thought.

Ahead they saw a pair of double doors.

“That must be the way out!”. She panted. “It has to be, I can fix this”.

She tried to force the handles but they wouldn’t move. Their pursuers approaching quickly. It sounded like a full army chased them down. The noise was deafening. They would soon be upon them. And when they reached them…

The horrors they would inflict. Just like her friends.

She tried to open the doors again.

“Think Ellana…THINK!” …Dorian shouted at her.

Ellana closed her eyes in an attempt to focus. Tears rolled down her blood-smeared face.

 _Ame eth, Lethallin. Ame eth amahn._ The words echoed in her head. She knew that voice. She had heard these words before…

“ELLANA!” …

“I AM TRYING!” She cried out.

“YOU MUST…WE WILL DIE!” …

“I CAN’T!” She wailed as the doors flung open and she unceremoniously tumbled through.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Ellana stared up at the ceiling. She was laying on the floor. It was warm and a plush rug of soft grass cushioned her.

The voice was still there but had been reduced to a whisper. She tried to concentrate on it, but it felt like trying to hold running water.  

She stood and looked around.  She was in her bedroom in Skyhold. Only for some reason it looked like it did when she dreamed. But it felt so real. She wanted to stay here forever.

Peace. Quiet. Safety washed over her in waves.

‘Home’ she thought.

Why had she been running?

What had she been afraid of?

Her heartbeat began to slow. She tried to recall why she had this lingering sense of dread. Someone had been chasing her. But she didn’t remember who. In fact, she didn’t remember returning to Tarasyl'an Te'las.

“Why did I call it that?”’ She said to no one. Not recognizing the words but knowing they rang true.

She glanced to the balcony overlooking the snow-capped mountains and suddenly none of it mattered.

Ellana walked out onto the moss-covered balcony. The breeze was warm and yet refreshing. She could smell the sweet scent of summer Gaildahlas in the air. Her gown flowing in the wind. The material felt incredible against her warm skin.

She didn’t remember changing.

All of her questions seemed to be pushed away as quickly as they formed. The voice, still there but barely audible, seemed to press upon her that these details were minute and unimportant. She leaned into that feeling.

Ellana placed her hands on the balcony ledge. The cool marble was sturdy and soothing beneath her fingers. She was lost in the beautiful sunset, the smells, the warmth, the peace that she felt being in this place.

It is a wonder she did not start when he approached her from behind. She sensed him before she felt him touch her. His presence comforting and yet somehow wild and dangerous.

“You are safe, vhenan. There is nothing to fear.” He whispered into her ear. His arm wrapping around her waist.

“Somehow I don’t believe you.” She halfheartedly challenged. Enjoying the feeling of his body pressed against hers.

He chuckled. “I am one to be feared, but not by you. Never by you.”

“Ame eth i’em, Fenorain.” This time his lips brushing over her earlobe.  

Ellana shudder with pleasure. Her heartbeat quickened.

He nipped the back of her neck. Sending heat down her body where it pooled between her legs. He lightly dragged his teeth across her sensitive skin as he pressed his body into hers.

His free hand wandered up her side. Eventually coming to rest just under her breast. How many times had she fantasized about this? Solas touching her. Teasing her.

She exhaled harshly when his long slender finger found her nipple under the gossamer gown. Gently pinching and rolling it between his fingers. ‘If am dreaming, please don’t let me wake’ she thought. Not yet. She closed her eyes letting her head roll back. 

“Did you dress me like this?” She whispered.

He laughed. Throwing his head back. Suddenly she regretted the question. Not only because of the sound of his laughter held a hint of menace, but because it has also caused him to pull his soft lips away from her neck.  

“No vhenan. Everything that happens here is a result of your desires. You are in control. I only help to finish that which you have begun to shape. Although as far as the dress is concerned, you have made a most exquisite choice.”

“Are you a desire demon then? Taking his form to torture me?” Unsure of why she even asked. It wasn’t as if she wanted this to end.

He nuzzled his face back into her. Tracing his lips along her neck. His hair cascaded over her shoulder as he nipped gently at her bare shoulder. Her body could not help but to react to his as she pressed herself back against him. Ellana could feel his hard cock straining within the confines of his clothing. She arched her back and began to grind into him in earnest. 

He hissed thought his teeth and Ellana reveled in that fact that she finally had her reaction. She needed this. She needed him.

Ellana could feel him gripping at the skirt of the gown. Lifting it up slowly so that eventually she was completely exposed.

If it were true that she manifested all of this, she certainly didn’t think enough of smallclothes to to have created them here. Even the lovely Orlesian ones she had developed a fondness for. Because in this place, she wore none. 

Ellana arched her back again attempting to give him better access. But he pulled her tighter against his body. Reaching around the front of her with his free hand. His calloused hands sliding up her inner thigh until Ellana jerked slightly when his fingers reached her already wet cunt.

“I am no spirit, Ma’haurasha. Ha’mi’in. Lasa em tua rosas’da’din.  

Nimble fingers found that little bundle of nerves and drew lazy circles around it, feeling it become more and more prominent. Wetness dripped down Ellana’s leg to her embarrassment. She attempted to squeeze her thighs together.

“Do not.” His voice ragged and harsh. This was a command.

Ellana let out a startled whelp when he gently kicked her legs apart, forcing her stance wider. He continued to rub her clit with more intensity until finally pressing a finger up into her.

Ellana moaned.

“Please!” She pleaded. As he languidly pumped his slender finger in and out of her dripping heat. Sucking and nibbling on her sensitive ears. Alternating between stroking her clit and parting her lips to add a second finger.

“Please what?” He chuckled. Smiling against her ear.

“Please…fuck me.” Ellana whimpered. Continuing to press her ass into his hard cock in the hope that he would be merciful.

“But Vhenan...” He teased “You do not even know my name.” And bit down hard on her shoulder.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellana jolted from the dream with a start. Realizing she was not in Skyhold but still in her sweltering tent. Despite being half asleep alarms sounding in her head.

Someone, Solas was entering her tent.

“Solas... What’s wrong?” She asked.

He seemed to hesitate. As if he wanted to say something. But he never turned to completely face her. 

“Nothing Da’len. Sleep.” He ordered as he stormed out.

Ellana was shocked by the sharp tone of his voice. Was he angry with her? She listened for sounds of trouble outside of the tent but heard only the rustling of Solas's tent flaps. Had there been any real danger he would have alerted her immediately. She plopped back down on her bedroll trying to make sense of what was happening. A familiar scent lingered on her sheath, on the fabric of the bedroll. His scent. Realization dawned on her. He had not been entering her tent but rather leaving. She must have been having a nightmare and he had pulled her out.

But that still didn’t explain…

She looked down at her state of dress. Or rather undress. She had changed into a light shift due to the oppressive heat. She knew she would not be able to sleep in her armor. The thin white material clung to her skin. One shoulder has slid completely off exposing her breast. It was pulled up over her hips. At least she managed smalls outside of the fade. She reached down between her legs. She was soaked.

The dream! The other Solas. Had she just come in her sleep while lying next to Solas? Or worse, had she been grinding against him trying to...Fenedhis! Why else would he be so angry with her?

Ellana was mortified. She curled into a ball letting tears of frustration fall openly.

I think I have ruined everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elvhen translations thanks for FenXShiral.
> 
> Ame eth, Lethallin. -You are safe, kinsman/one who is close to me  
> Ame eth amahn. - You are safe here  
> Gaildahlas - Embrium (flower)  
> “Ame eth i’em, Fenorain. - You are safe with me, darling/little precious  
> Ma’haurasha - One who makes me hard  
> Ha’mi’in. Lasa em tua rosas’da’din - Relax, let me make you come.


	5. Wait, you’re apologizing to me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The journey back to Skyhold continues. Another night of camping and nightmares. Or maybe not so much. A stop at an ancient Elvhen bathhouse is always good for the soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another NSFW chapter thanks to my old friend Bourbon. This could be considered mildly dub-con because Secrets! If you are sensitive to it please take note.  
> Why can't you two just communicate? I blame Dorian this time!

The next morning Ellana had a choice. She could wallow in the happenings of the previous day or she could move on. She chose the latter.

Oddly enough despite the nightmare and being thrust into what could have been the most humiliating situation of her life, she had slept peacefully the rest of the night. She wasn’t sure if it was because she'd cried herself to sleep or because she had experienced a much needed ‘release’. Either way she was not one to look a gift-hart in the mouth.

Ellana dawned her armor, steeled herself and walked out of the tent to greet her companions. Varric had been preparing a small breakfast while Cole packed the Camp.

“Good morning Firefly, you look…better.” Varric greeted her with his usual morning cheer.

“Thanks, Varric. I feel better. Not sure why, but I finally slept last night.” Ellana responded cheerfully. Reaching for a bit of jerky Varric handed to her. She glanced at Solas to see his reaction. He simply nodded in greeting, which she returned.

Her heart beat faster. That response revealed nothing.

Once on the road, Solas rode his mount up to Ellana’s. Ellana did her best to act normal. They rode side by side in silence for several moments.

“Inquisitor, may I speak with you?” He said once he was sure they were out of earshot.

“Of course, Solas. I always have time for you.” She said, praying to the Creators, the Maker, the Paragons, ANYONE that he wasn’t going to confront her regarding the previous night.

“I feel I owe you an apology da’len. The way I spoke to you yesterday was unnecessary and disrespectful. I was worried for you but that does not excuse my behavior. Ir abelas Ellana.”

“Wait, you’re apologizing to me?” She asked. Unable to hide the shock on her face.

“Yes. I am capable of admitting when I am wrong.” He responded somewhat defensively.

“No, no Solas. That’s not what I meant.” Pausing. Was she going to tell him what she meant?

“I just mean…all is well lethallin”. She smiled at him, feeling relieved. She exhaled, probably louder that normal.

Solas’s eyebrows were still drawn into a slight pinch of apprehension.

“Was there something else Solas?” Ellana noticed an uneasiness about him.

In that moment he looked at her and suddenly she flashed to the other Solas holding her in the garden. Pleasuring her on the balcony of Skyhold. A shudder went through her body and her ears flushed.

He noticed.

“No, that is all.” He said. Retreating back to his normal stoic self.

That evening they made camp. Enjoying time by the fire and listening to Varric tell a particularly colorful yet wildly entertaining tale.

“What does ‘fetish’ mean?” Cole asked.

Solas cleared his throat uncomfortably and Ellana laughed harder than she had in a very long time.

“And on that note, I believe I will try and get some sleep. On nydha.” She said as she stood and made her way to her tent.

That night there was nothing. No nightmares. No screaming. Just peaceful, simple sleep. Which unfortunately also meant no visit from Fade Solas as she has begun to think of him.

The next day was also uneventful. It appeared the scouts really had cleared the roads. They took turns telling stories to pass the time. Varric never seemed to tire of talking about Hawke. Ellana wondered what that was all about. She would have to corner him in the Herald’s Rest one evening and see if she could get the details. Ellana told them stories of her childhood in the clan. Apparently, no one was very surprised that she was known for being quite the mischief maker. And of course, Solas told them stories of ancient battles and ruins he had seen in the fade.

“One such place is actually rather close to us. It was an Elvhen bathhouse built over a hot spring. Waterfalls of clear, cool mountain water fell into pools heated by the lava flowing beneath them. Every year during the …”

“How close?” Ellana interrupted excitedly.

“Not _that_ close Inquisitor. As I was saying…”

“How close is ‘not  _that_ close’ Solas?”

He sighed. 

“It would put us out of our way by nearly half the day Inquisitor.” He replied. The look on his face indicating he realized she had no intention of letting this go.

“And these pools, do you think they are still there? Do they still work I mean?” She smiled excitedly.

“It is likely that they are still functional.”

“Solas, we are going!” She nearly bounced in her saddle.

“Da’len, is would be ill-advised to deviate from our planned course.”

Ellana straightened up and met his eyes. Attempting to look regal and imposing. “Shall I remind you that I am the Inquisitor and therefore I make all of the final decisions!” She attempted to use her most commanding tone.

Solas simply stared back at her unaffected.

“I wouldn’t mind washing the last few days off in a sexy bathhouse.” Varric wiggles his eyebrows at Ellana. She stifled a laugh. Still trying to appear serious.

Solas sighed. Clearly outnumbered.

“Don’t make me beg!” She whispered. Eyes wide. A pleading smile on her face.

Solas looked at her out of the corner of his eye, lips turned up in an amused smile.

“You are like a spoiled child demanding a treat. We must turn east from here.” He conceded.

“Yes!” Ellana shouted and threw her fist in the air.

______________________________________________________________________________

The sun was beginning to set as they approached the ruins. The telltale architecture of the ancient Elves was still quite visible. Remnants of stone stairways led to a cascading maze of waterfalls. As they approached, the steam was actually visible for some distance.

“Yes! Its still here”. Ellana nearly vibrated with excitement.

The smell of trees, moss and perpetually blooming flowers permeated the air. Reminding Ellana of the perfume Josephine and Leliana had guilted her into keeping. She impulsively threw it into her pack before leaving Skyhold. Initially feeling silly but now thankful that she had a use for it.

Ellana smiled at Solas. Practically giddy with joy. She was surprised to see him smiling at her in return.

“Ha’ren! There is something wrong with your face! Are you smiling?” She teased.

“I cannot help myself. Your happiness is…infectious. It is nice to see.” He meant it.

After setting up a nearby camp and scouting the area for any danger Ellana set off to find one of the secluded pools to relax in. Assuming eventually the rest of her party would do the same.

The bathhouse did not disappoint. The cool water flowing down off of the rocks was refreshing. The amount of dirt and gore in her hair was astonishing. It took quite some time to wash it all away. The hot water from the heated pools was soothing to her aching muscles and sore feet. The ledge was perfectly carved so that you could sit submerged to your neck with your head against the soft mossy growth.

Her ancestors were geniuses she thought as she sat back and closed her eyes. Of course, her mind wandered to Fade Skyhold and Fade Solas. In her dreams she had conjured such similarities to her current surroundings. A part of her expected him to be there when she opened her eyes.  

Of course, he was not. She sighed.

Ellana suddenly remember the perfume in her pack. She waded across the pool to dig the little bottle out from amongst the various items she had collected on the journey. A little smile crossed her face when she brushed against the Orlesian smalls. She was turning into a regular noblewoman with her fancy perfumes and fancy silks. Vivienne would be proud!

She laughed to herself as she poured some of the perfume into the water. ‘Désir Ardent’, she thought. Sounds like one of Cassandra’s novels.

The scent was indeed intoxicating. She made sure to brush a tiny amount through her hair now that it was free of bandit blood.

‘Bandit Blood.’ That also sounds like one of Cassandra’s novels. She laughed at her own silly joke. A testament to how relaxed she was for the first time in a very long time. 

The heat from the steam and the aroma of the perfume and flowers eventually began to overwhelm her. Ellana felt lightheaded. She decided it was best to return to the camp now. It wouldn’t do to have the inquisitor pass out and drown at an Elvhen bath house. Oh, the scandal, she laughed yet again to herself.

When Ellana returned to camp the others had already retired to their tents. She must have been gone longer than she'd thought as the fire was reduced to little more than embers. It was darker than she realized and the moon was already high in the night sky.

She crawled into her tent feeling absolute bliss for the first time in…well, so long she couldn’t remember. She changed into her sleeping clothes and laid back. The scent of the perfume was distinctive. She could see why it was considered an aphrodisiac. She wondered if she could manifest it in her dream. Not that she needed it. The one she dreamed about clearly wanted her.

Ellana’s thoughts instantly snapped back to the way his hands roamed over her body. The way his lips brushed against her ears. The feel of him against her. It was so real.

If her release the previous night allowed her to sleep peacefully, perhaps again.

Ellana closed her eyes trying to remember the sensations. She pinched and tugged at her nipple the way he had. She reached down and pulled her shift up. Parting her legs. Running her hands over her smalls. She finally spread her legs and pushed them to the side. She wondered if the real Solas, her Solas would whisper filthy words into her ear the way Fade Solas did. She could still smell him on her bedroll. The Solas in her dreams was so delicious. But it did not dissuade her from wanting the real thing. She imagined him between her legs. Looking up at her. Mouth covering her mound as he drank her in. She pressed a finger into her wet cunt. Muffling a moan. She added a second finger. Imagining they were his fingers. Picturing him alternating between this and fucking her with his tongue.

“Oh Creators!” She moaned loudly. She was cresting fast. She pulled her soaked fingers out and rubbed her clit furiously. It did not take long before she finally came hard, with nearly violent convulsions. Waves of pleasure rolling over her. Causing her to cry out while she attempted to cover her mouth. Too late.

Breathing hard she rolled to her side just in time to hear someone approach.

“Da’len?” He whispered.

Before Ellana could react Solas was crawling into the tent behind her. She froze. Unsure of what was happening. Feeling like a child caught doing something she was not supposed to. She lay on her side as his hands reached up to hold her shoulder.

‘Does he? Does he think I was dreaming?’ She thought to herself.

“Ame eth, Lethallin. Ame eth amahn.” He whispered into her ear.

‘Oh no no no!’ She panicked. He heard me! And now he thinks I was having a nightmare.

Ellana had never felt so embarrassed in her life. How could she possibly recover from this?

‘Fenhedis!  What am I going to do? I can’t just say ‘Oh Solas you can stop, I wasn’t having a nightmare I was just pleasuring myself while fantasizing about your head between my legs.’

To make things worse his warm caress on her arm had her body begging for more.

‘How?’ She thought. How in the void do you get yourself into these situations?’

She only had two choices. To lay here and try to relax, or to confess her shame to him. She knew which one it would be. She willed herself to calm down. To slow her breathing. To slow her heartbeat.

She heard Solas inhale deeply and pause. His hand gripped her shoulder. Again, her body seems to react instinctively and her plan went out the door when she pushed herself backwards against him.

‘What are you doing!’ She said to herself. This is NOT part of the plan.  

She took another deep breath and calmed herself. Relaxing. She didn’t want to scare him off. But she wanted him close to her. Closer than he was.

Ellana arched her back against him again, this time feeling the hard bulge pressed against her bottom.

‘Ok. I know I am not dreaming’. She tested again by wiggling her ass against him. Pretending to adjust her sleeping position. She wanted to be sure. He was so hard. Heat rushed to her core. She closed her eyes and squeezed her thighs together slightly. Desperately seeking and kind of friction.

He froze. His breath became ragged. She could feel him moving behind her. Ellana was overcome with dread.

‘He is leaving. I scared him off.’ She thought. But Solas made no effort to go. Instead he moved ever so slightly behind her before rolling back towards her. She inhaled sharply as she realized that his cock was free and resting against her.

Ellana’s eyes rolled backwards. She took a chance and rocked a bit, feeling the tip of his hardness pressed against her entrance. Had she not been wearing these stupid smalls he could have easily slipped between her lips.

Damned Orlesians!

Ellana considered her options. She wanted to turn around and take him into her hand. She wondered if he would protest if she simply rolled over and took him into her mouth, swallowing his cock.

She felt his tip rubbing along her lips with purpose. Only a thin piece of material separated her from what she wanted. He wants this as badly as I do she thought.

Ellana felt she could come undone just from this. It was the most exquisite torture. She tried to squeeze her thighs together and allow him between them. But as soon as she took a more overt action, he froze again.

Ellana felt the bedroll move and before she knew it, he was gone.

She did not try to stop him. But she bit her lip and smiled into the pitch blackness of the tent.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is wrong with me? Pervert!  
> I cranked this one out in a day. I usually need longer than that but this chapter practically wrote itself. As a result..not a ton of proofing. Will do that tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy!
> 
> feedback always welcome.


	6. Happy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana emerged from her tent feeling rather smug. She was clean. She still smelled amazing. There was no blood in her hair. She was sleeping again. And most importantly, she was now certain that Solas, the real living, breathing Solas wanted her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perfectly safe chapter for work. Just in time for the weekend. I gotta work on my timing.

Ellana emerged from her tent feeling rather smug. She was clean. She still smelled amazing. There was no blood in her hair. She was sleeping again. And most importantly, she was now certain that Solas, the real living, breathing Solas wanted her.

She glanced around the camp but she was the first one up. Ellana was ready to get back home to Skyhold. Ready to see Dorian and tell him everything that had happened. It had only been a few days but she missed him terribly. It actually surprised her as she had not realized just how close they had become. She smiled at the thought of him sitting across from her, chin resting on folded hand, eyes wide and she told him the dirty details of her tent adventured with Solas.

She jumped when Cole appeared next to her, attempting to help pack the camp supplies.

“Happy.” He said.

Ellana stared at him. “Is that all Cole?” Staring at him expectantly.

“Yes.” He replied.

She smiled.

When Solas awoke, Ellana instantly perked up. Her heart raced thinking of all of the things they had to talk about. But she was surprised when he did not greet her. He did not greet anyone that morning. He instantly began to pack his things without even acknowledging their existence.  

Her heart sank.

‘Maybe it is like after our fight.’ She tried to cheer herself up. ‘He just wants to make sure we have privacy.’ Of course, that was it. She exhaled in relief.

“Chuckles is unusually grim this morning.” Varric spoke to her quietly. “Even for him.” Ellana was so caught up in thought she had not even noticed when he joined them.

So, it was not just her that has noticed. That smug happiness slowly began to wane.

“Yeah, looks like it.” She responded. Confusion heavy in her voice.

“Well, don’t worry Firefly. I am sure it’s nothing. No one could be in a bad mood after that amazing bath last night.” He said as he patted her gently on the back. “By the way, you smell amazing!” He added with a laugh.

Solas’s head finally snapped up. Ellana couldn’t read his expression. But it looked an awful lot like jealousy. Possessiveness. It was gone as quickly as it came. Solas’s eyes met hers. She smiled warmly at him. Solas looked down, not even attempting to return it.

Ellana felt like she was punched in the stomach. She stood in shock for a moment before being dragged back into reality.

It was time to go.

They rode for most of the morning in a slightly uneasy silence. As they grew close to Skyhold Varric couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Dwarven ale, fresh tusket stew, my most comfy chair.” He said

“What?” Ellana replied

“Dwarven ale, fresh stew, my most comfy chair. Those are the things I am most looking forward to back at Skyhold.” He repeated.

Ellana thought for a moment. “Tevinter Red, my big Orlesian bed. Oh! Hot sweet nectar tea!” She said excitedly.

Solas couldn’t help but smile just a little. She knew how he felt about tea.

“The kittens in the courtyard and Maryden’s singing.” Cole said to everyone’s surprise.

“I didn’t know you liked music, Kid.” Varric replied.

“I like Mayden’s voice. It makes everything quiet. When she sings it is the only thing I can hear. You are all very very loud. Even when you aren’t talking.” Cole said distantly.

Varric and Ellana exchanged looks. ‘Does Cole have a crush?’ Their expressions asked.

Ellana smiled at the thought.  

“And what about you Chuckles?” Varric turned his attention to Solas.

Ellana perked up. Curious to hear his response.

“I shall simply return to my studies, Master Varric. I have neglected them as of late.” Solas responded.

“There has to be something that makes you happy. It can’t be all doom and gloom.” Varric pried a little. Ellana knew what Varric was doing. Ellana and Solas never went this long without speaking or looking at one another. They had resolved the previous fight and were laughing and having a lively discussion in Elven the previous day. It had to be obvious.

When Solas did not respond, Varric started to ask another question when they heard it.

A crackling and hissing sound. Seconds later followed by the unmistakable burning smell and eerie green glow.

“Another rift? This close to Skyhold?” Ellana questioned.

“Maker, how many of these void damn things are there?” Varric asked.

They dismounted and ran towards the rift. Demons were flowing out of it. This time Ellana did not hesitate. She felt the rush of mana and adrenaline surging through her. She was no longer tired. Her brain was not fogged with horrible visions of her friends’ deaths. Her focus was crystal clear. As she approached the first demon, she conjured her spectral blade.  She dispatched the hideous multi-eyed monstrosity with ease. Black ichor splattered all over her freshly cleaned face and hair. Sending her into a rage.

“I just got clean!” She screamed. “Back to the void with you.”

She was lightening fast. Varric barely had time to draw Bianca before she had cut down three more demons. Each one bigger than the one before it.

Solas cast a barrier around her but it wasn’t needed. She had single handedly destroyed every last one of them.

Ellana was more than just renewed and restored. She had grown stronger. She was more powerful. She could not explain it but she was simply ‘more’.

Cole appeared next to her in a protective stance.

Ellana reached up to close the rift. It was easier this time. Faster. She didn’t know what was unleashed inside of her but she loved it and would not let it go.

“Firefly.” Varric said. “You never cease to amaze me.”

‘Or me’. Solas thought to himself.

Once they were sure the area was safe, Cole and Solas readied the startled mounts. Ellana and Varric scoured the battlefield for anything useful.

“Is that wisp essence?” She bent over to pick up the glowing gold heart-shaped stone. She came as close to actually giggling as she ever had in her life. She was still high from battle and finding this rare material was just icing on the frilly cake! She couldn’t wait to show Solas. They had just been discussing the benefits and uses.

Ellana turned to hold it up, showing Solas. She smiled expectantly.

Solas was already staring at her. But the moment their eyes met he simply turned his back to her. Appearing to discuss something to Cole.

All of the joy and excitement drained out of her in an instance.

Just get home she thought. And so they did.

Several hours later they entered the gates of Skyhold. Their party was met by Commander Cullen.

“Greetings Inquisitor.” The Commander said cheerfully as he helped her from her mount.

“Greetings Commander. I trust all is well.” She responded. It was unusual for him to greet the party at the gates.

“Indeed. I just wanted to be the first to welcome you back to Skyhold. Your absence is always…” Ellana didn’t hear the rest of the Commander’s statement.

Her attention was drawn to Solas, who was now making his way up the stairs that led to the main keep and ultimately his quarters. He did not look back to her.

Had she read everything wrong?

“Inquisitor. Is everything all right?” The Commander stared at her as he placed a concerned hand on her shoulder.

“Yes, Commander. I am quite fine. You were saying?” She returned her attention to him.

“There are no urgent issues Inquisitor. I only wanted to ensure you returned to us safely. We can debrief in the morning.”. He said with a politely nod and turned to leave.

“Commander, wait. Do you have time now?” Ellana asked.

“Yes. As a matter of fact, I do, Inquisitor. Shall I convene the others in the war room?”

“Would care to join me at the Tavern?” Ellana asked impulsively.

The Commander paused. Staring at her in shock. Clearly not expecting this invitation.  

“Yes. I would very much like that.” A smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Great. I would like to change first. I will meet you there in an hour Commander.” Ellana said as she turned towards her quarters.

“Inquisitor!” He called after her. She turned to look back at him.

“Please. Call me Cullen.” He said softly

Ellana nodded and smiled. “Then I will meet you in an hour. Cullen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know what you are thinking.  
> Yeah I said the same thing. And I don't know what Ellana is doing either! I had NO intention of the Cullen appearance but here he is. Uninvited guest at the angst party.


	7. That bad, Kitten?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana just wants to forget. Forget that the man she wants doesn't want her. Forget that she humiliated herself.  
> Just forget it all. No better way to forget than an Ex-Templar I say!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most definitely and deliciously NSFW. Squeeeeeee!  
> Inspiration for Ellana's 'night on the town' outfit.  
> https://i.pinimg.com/originals/9e/78/b9/9e78b95c9994fb8e3d42b79f3137ee2c.jpg

“You did what?” Dorian nearly shouted over his shoulder. Unable to hide the shock in his voice.

“I invited Cullen to join me at the tavern,” Ellana tried to sound as normal as possible. She peeked up at Dorian through her lashes. Afraid of what he might say next.

“OH so it’s _‘Cullen’_ now? When did you and The Commander become such good friends?” Dorian kept his back to Ellana as she changed. Although she wasn’t sure why. He had made it quite clear she possessed nothing of physical interest to him.

“Why Dorian. Are you- Are you jealous? Is that what this is?” She teased.

“Of course, I’m jealous!” He whipped around and stared her down with his arms folded.

Ellana was so shocked at the answer as well as the seriousness of his tone that she stopped what she was doing. That was the last response she expected from her usually flippant friend.

“My closest friend is finally home after...how long were you gone?” He waved his hand in the air. “It doesn’t matter. And not only does she make plans with another man for the evening. But it’s not even the man I expected! I believe I deserve an explanation.” He said indignantly.

“Oh, Dorian. I’m sorry.” Ellana spoke softly. “Honestly, I don’t even know why I asked him. It was simply an impulse. I was hurt and needed a distraction. ANY distraction.” Ellana looked away. Feeling like eye contact at that moment would release a flood gate of emotions.

“That bad, Kitten?” Dorian said sympathetically as he poured them each a glass of the Tevinter Red he had brought to her quarters to celebrate her return.

“That bad.” Ellana spoke softly.

“Care to talk about it?” He offered. His voice softened, sensing real pain.

“No! The last thing I want to do is re-live my humiliation. What I want…” Ellana took a huge gulp of the wine. “…is to get rightly pissed and forget.”

Dorian laughed. “Now that I can help you with, Kitten.” And refilled her glass.

“So…you were planning on wearing _that_?” Dorian gave her a disapproving sideways glance.

Ellana sighed.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Ellana made her way to the tavern, making a point to give a wide berth to the rotunda where Solas usually spent his time. Dorian had insisted she change into something more ‘convivial’. His word. He had chosen an elven dress that Ellana sometimes wore to speak with the elven merchants and visitors to make them feel more comfortable and welcome. It was more of a tunic than a dress. Rather short with drapey moss colored fabric and bands of beautiful brown leather. It reminded her of home and her clan. It was usually worn with leggings but she opted to wear leather leg wrappings giving her feet a break from the heavy boots she wore daily. The cool ground felt wonderful under her bare feet.

“Are you sure this isn’t too…?” She asked.

“Elfy?” Doran finished her sentence.

Ellana nodded. She had spent so much time trying to blend in. Force them to accept her, an Elf, as the Herald of Andraste and ultimately Inquisitor. She had allowed Josephine to dress her for the ‘role’. Part of that was making the humans feel as though she were more like them. She hated it.

“Well its too late for all of that. You are the Inquisitor and you are, in fact, an Elf. We should not have to hide who we are, Kitten. Either of us.”

Dorian gave her a pointed look.

“Besides, its unseasonably warm and you said you were looking for a ‘distraction’. In my experience the best way to find a distraction is to _be_ a distraction.”

Ellana laughed. “Of course, you would say that!”

Upon entering the tavern Ellana immediately saw Maryden. Strumming away and singing a beautiful melody. She instantly thought of Cole. She was sure that he was someplace listening in order to drown out all of the emotions around him.

She then saw the Chargers huddled in their usual spot. The Iron Bull called her over but she shook her head when she saw the Commander, Cullen crossing the room towards her. Bull raised his eyebrows but Ellana ignored his ‘Ben-Hassrath-remember?’ smirk.

“Inquisitor!” Cullen greeted her with a wide-eyed look of awe. “You are…you look...I mean…good evening Inquisitor.” He was obviously nervous. More so than usual which was saying a lot. He was also unable to stop himself from staring at her.

“Please Cullen. If I am to refer to you as Cullen then the least you could do is call me Ellana.” She smiled warmly at him.

“Alright, Ellana.” Sounding as if he were testing her name on his tongue. Something about it sent heat right to her belly. “I have a table in the corner. It seemed more private. Instantly Ellana could see the thought cross his mind.

“That is unless you don’t want privacy...I didn’t mean to infer that you wanted to be alone with me.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor. “Maker’s breath!” he chastised himself.

Ellana smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder. She was feeling warm from the two glasses of wine she had with Dorian.

“Cullen, relax. I am sure your table is perfect.”

He stared at her a little too long before turning and leading her back to the tucked away table.

Cullen was dressed in a simple white shirt and tight, very tight leather breeches. Ellana had never seen him this uncovered and was impressed by his body. She tried very hard not to stare at his tight ass as they made their way to the table.  

The conversation started off rather awkwardly. They had never been alone in such a casual environment. Usually when they were alone it was because they were the last to leave the War Room. At times when there had been social gatherings they were always surrounded by other people.

When they began to talk about their lives before the Inquisition, Cullen finally relaxed. He shared stories from his life as a Templar and Ellana shared stories of her childhood with her clan.

It also may have been due to the round of drinks The Iron Bull had sent over to their table.

“Creators!” Ellana choked on the potent liquid. “What is IN this stuff?”.

“Tastes like dragon’s blood!” Cullen coughed out.

They fell into a fit of laughter and easy conversation after that.

The two sat and drank and laughed for hours. Feeling like old friends. There was obviously a connection. Ellana couldn’t tell if it was the drinks or perhaps it had been there all along. Maybe she had been too blinded by Solas to really see it.

Cullen looked at her the way she wanted Solas to look at her. The way he looked at her the day he told her he couldn’t lose her and kissed her on the forehead in camp. She took another drink trying to erase the thought.

Eventually Ellana started to lose steam. She was more exhausted than she had originally thought. Cullen must have seen it in her eyes.

“Maker, look at me. Selfishly occupying your whole evening when you have just returned from travel.” Cullen said.

“It’s fine. I’m having a great time. Although I am a bit more tired than I had originally thought”. Combined with the wine and other spirits her head began to spin a little.

“Please let me escort you back to your quarters.” Cullen stood and offered her his arm. Ellana couldn’t help but give his arm a little squeeze. It felt like stone under flesh. She liked it.

They walked in comfortable silence through the courtyard. The breeze wasn’t as nice here as it was on the ramparts but the cooler evening air was sobering. She was enjoying being this close to someone. And Cullen smelled very nice. Oakmoss and elderflower.   

“Mmmm.” She moaned, closed her eyes and breathed in the scent.

“You’re smiling.” Cullen looked at her with a crooked half-smile and honey colored eyes.

Ellana stopped. They had ‘detoured’ into the garden. Suddenly images of Solas flooded her mind. This is where she first noticed him. In her dreams of course. Her Fade Solas. The garden didn’t look the same. But somehow it felt the same. Then she thought back to waking in the tent with him. And the way he he’d pulled away from her.

Her smile faded. She looked up into Cullen’s eyes. He reached out to tuck a stray hair behind her ear.  

His hands grazing over the tip of her sensitive ear was too much. She tilted her head up and pressed her lips to his.

‘Make me forget’. She silently wished of him.  

Cullen stiffened at first. Surprised by the kiss. It took a moment to register before he wrapped his arms around her waist and melted into it. She parted her lips and traced his lightly with her tongue. She could taste the sweet ale on his lips and it was heavenly. Ellana could feel him smiling and pulled away to see his face.

“That was…that was better than I had dreamt it would be.” His face flushed but that smile never left his lips.

“You’ve dreamed about me?” Ellana asked. She shook her head and looked at him. “And all this time I wasn’t sure you even liked me.”

Cullen’s mood instantly changed. She could feel it as if it were a physical, tangible thing. Shock? Offense? She was unsure. His brow pinched in the middle and his face lost all traces of that sweet smile.

“Why on Thedas would you ever think that?” He sounded hurt. As if he had been sucker-punched.

Ellana instantly regretted her words.

The tables were turned and now Ellana rambled nervously. “It’s just, you know. How we met? You looked at me like you hated me. On top of that I am an Elf and a mage. Given your…history I wouldn’t have blamed you. It’s just. You never looked at me, you rarely spoke to me until recently. I …”

Cullen reached for Ellana’s hand and pulled her into the corner of the garden. When they reached the wall, he turned around and gently pinned her against it. Cullen ran his hand up her back and into her hair. He guided her head up so that they were staring into one another’s eyes. He was breathing hard.

“You. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. You command everyone around you with just a look. All of Thedas wants to be close to you. I was, I AM intimidated. And I am sorry if I ever made you feel as though I didn’t ‘like’ you. I can assure you, Inquisitor, that I more than ‘like’ you.

Ellana smiled at her Commander. Creators was he always this tall?

“May I kiss you again?” Cullen asked softly.

“I believe it was I that kissed you, ser.” She replied quickly.

His mouth was on hers again. This time with more insistence. More intensity. Kissing her like he thought this would be his only chance at being this close to her. His fingers still threaded through her hair, tugged a little causing Ellana to give a surprised yelp. Her body melted into his as he pressed against her, pushing her into the wall. Ellana could feel him, growing hard against her hip. She arched her back slightly to grind into him and he moaned into her mouth.

Cullen pressed his knee between her legs and began to rock against her. Growing bolder he slipped the strap of her dress exposing a shoulder. Cullen kissed her ears, apparently taking a hint from her earlier reaction. This time Ellana moaned loudly. Luckily, they were completely alone. Had anyone been in the garden they would have definitely heard her, despite them being well hidden in the shadows.

He kissed down the side of her neck. Pressing his lips against her pulse point.

Ellana pushed him back suddenly.

“I…I am sorry. I didn’t mean to be so…” He said with a look of panic in his eyes.

She stared at him as she pushed the shoulders if her tunic down exposing her breasts to her Commander.

Cullen took the sight of her in. “Andraste, preserve me.” He whispered before leaning down to cup one of her breasts, running his tongue over the exposed nipple.

“Ohhh!” Ellana moaned loudly again. She blamed the wine but for some reason she could not be quiet.

Cullen sucked her nipple and grazed it with his teeth. He spent several minutes, teasing and fondling them. Stopping to take in their beauty several times. At one point if felt like he tried to take the whole thing into his warm mouth, finally releasing it only to move right back to the other. Giving it the same attention before eventually kissing his way up her shoulder. Then her neck. Finally, he whispered into her ear.

“I have to stop”. He whispered breathlessly.

“No.” Ellana protested with an uncharacteristic whine.

“If I don’t stop now Ellana, I may not be able to.” Cullen sounded like he was struggling to speak. Forcing his mouth to form words rather than be on her.

“Then don’t.” She pleaded. Grinding and rutting against his leg. Making him harder in the process.

“As much as I want you, want to be with you. I need. I want this to be special. We should wait for…” Cullen’s words were cut off as Ellana reached down and ran her hand over the bulge in his pants.

He threw his head back and placed one palm on the wall to steady himself.

“Oh, Maker.” He moaned as he pressed his bound cock into her hand.

“You were saying?” She teased. Thankful he had not worn all of that oppressive armor he never seemed to take off.   

Cullen nuzzled her neck, body leaning into her. He allowed her to continue to tease him. Stroking him through his pants. When Ellana finally went to unlace his breeches, he caught her hand.

“Ellana…Please.” His eyes pleaded with her. His resolve was dissipating. He stared at her for a moment before dropping to his knees in front of her.

He pressed his cheek to her belly and ran his hands over her leather leg wraps. Up and over her smooth, exposed thighs. He searched for her smalls with his fingers, fully intending to relieve her of them.

Cullen took in a sharp breath when he found she was naked beneath her tunic.

His hands left her hips. Reaching around, kneading her naked ass.  He kissed her belly and began whispering against her body.

“Then did I see the world spread before me, Sky-reaching mountains arrayed as a crown…”

Ellana ran her hands through his perfectly coiffed hair, forcing the curls to fall free.

“Cullen…are you praying?” She said through a slightly confused smile.

He looked up at her. “These are the only beautiful words I know.”

Cullen returned to his benediction through heavy breaths as he lifted the bottom of the tunic exposing Ellana to him completely to him.

“…Kingdoms like jewels, glistering gemstones Strung 'cross the earth as a necklace of pearl. "All this is yours," spake the World-Maker. Join Me in heaven and sorrow no more."

Cullen leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Ellana’s sensitive clit, causing her to shudder. He used his thumbs to spread her soft lips. Exposing more of her to him. He leaned in and sucked gently. Ellana bit down on her own hand to keep from screaming.

After several more strokes Cullen found his rhythm. Alternating between sucking and nibbling the little bundle of nerves. Ellana was coming undone.

He breathed in her scent. “Maker, I need more.” He growled. He placed a hand on her hip, pinning her to the wall and lifted the other leg over his shoulder. As soon as he saw the wet slit exposed to him, he did not hesitate to press his face into her heat. Licking her opening from bottom to top causing her to have to bite down on her hand again.

Soon he was thrusting inside of her. Fucking her with his tongue. Licking every drop of her wetness like it was the sweetest nectar.

Cullen pulled away staring at her wet cunt in awe. With her leg firmly on his shoulder it freed him to replace his tongue with his finger.  He began to run his index finger over her slowly. Deep in concentration. His eyebrows drawn together the with the same intensity with which he studied the war table. Staying along the line of her opening. Slowly coaxing her lips farther apart.

He looked up at her. “I have wanted this for so long.” He whispered as he slid his middle finger inside of her and curled it towards him making her squirm beneath him.

He continued to stare up at her. Taking in her reactions to different intensities, different angles. Alternating between fast and tortuously slow. He brought her to the brink several times not allowing her to come.

“Creator what are you doing to me.” She whined. Knowing exactly what he was doing to her.

Finally, Cullen increased his pace but this time did not stop.

“I’m going to come.” Ellana managed to force out.

Cullen, urged by her words increased his intensity. Working his finger in and out of her while sucking her sensitive clit.

“Come for me Ellana.” He spoke into her.

Ellana was grinding herself obscenely against his beautiful face. When the wave of pleasure shot through her. She closed her eyes and let it take her.

She cried out much too loudly as she came on Cullen’s face. Walls contracting around his soaked finger.

“Creator, Solas, Yes!”

They both froze.  

 

 

 

 

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andraste's tits can Ellana ever just get the D??
> 
> Ok I admit. Writing this self-indulgent hot mess put a big ass smile on my face. I am feeling super smug and proud of this chapter. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> In case you were wondering. Cullen's Benediction is from the Canticle of Andraste.  
> -Andraste 1:1-1:14


	8. A gift for me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana travels with Vivienne. Who offers her much needed advice.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totes safe for work. Oh yeah..and cringy Cullen aftermath.

Cullen stared up at Ellana with a look of disbelief. Ellana saw the pained expression that crossed his face and her heart shattered into a million little pieces.

He released her hips and lowered her leg softly to the ground.

Ellana covered her face with her hands and leaned her head back against the wall, wishing she could disappear into the void.

Cullen stood next to her leaning with his back against the wall. Defeated. He ran his hand over his mouth and chin wiping ‘her’ off if his face.

“Cullen.” She said. Unsure of what her next words would be.

“Cullen…I’m sorry. I don’t know….”

“Do you love him?” He interrupted in a soft voice. Staring out into the starry night. Not making eye contact with her.

They stood silently for several moments.

“Yes.” She said woefully.

Cullen sighed deeply in response.

“I know. I have always known. I see the way you look at him. I often find myself wishing you looked at me the same way”. He spoke distantly. As if caught in a memory.

“I knew it was too much to ask. But I couldn’t help myself when you asked me to join you this evening. I just wanted to be near you.” His voice almost hopeful. Perhaps he thought she would change her mind.

He was killing her with his words.

“Cullen this was real. Nothing I said or did this evening was about anyone other than you and me.” She said. Unsure if it was the truth. After all, she did just call out for another man.

“Besides, it doesn’t matter.” She continued. “He doesn’t love me.”

Cullen laughed joylessly. “Of course, he does. He even does a terrible job of hiding it. Except from you it seems.” He looked down at his feet. “I should get your back to your quarters Inquisitor.”

Ellana flinched at him reverting back to her title. But she was in no position to protest or to ask for more.

The walk back to her room was excruciatingly long. The silence was deafening. When they arrived Ellana moved towards the door. Cullen placed an arm in front of her to stop her.

“Tell him. Please. For me. In my heart I am hoping it turns out that he is the biggest idiot in all of Thedas. Because if he says ‘no’...if I have even the smallest chance.” Cullen nearly choked on his words.

“I will not hesitate to claim you as my own.” He leaned in a placed a kiss on top of her head.

Cullen then pulled back and stood to his full height. Chin-up, peering down at her. “I wish you a good evening, Inquisitor.” He said in his most professional voice. Giving her a curt nod.

“Good night, Commander”. Ellana responded equally as professionally.

She walked through the doors holding everything together. Once inside she collapsed on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

***

Several days later Vivienne approached Ellana and requested that she accompany her to Orlais on a personal matter. Ellana was overjoyed at the opportunity to leave Skyhold for a few days away. The chaos of trying to avoid both Cullen and Solas was too much. On top of that, she’d started to have nightmares again. In Skyhold. Which had never happened before.

Ellana had to resist the temptation of asking Solas for help. He had not sought her out or spoken to her since their return.

Cullen on the other hand simply acted as if nothing had happened between them. Resorting back to calling her ‘Inquisitor’. He was polite and professional. Always professional. During the last few meetings he had not smiled once.  Had barely glanced in her direction.

Ellana didn’t know how much she could take.  

A trip to Orlais would allow her to clear her head. And of course, Vivienne insisted on traveling ‘avec classe’. A luxurious carriage rather than horses. Ellana had protested initially. But when Vivienne insisted, including the fact that it was already provided for by her ‘benefactor’, Ellana relented without much protest.

Ellana spent much of the journey there gazing out of the window. Trying to clear her mind. While Vivienne read books of magic theory and the history of the Circles of Magi.

“Are you quite all right, Darling?” Vivienne finally asked. “I know it is not my place but you seem, unwell. Perhaps you should see a healer during our journey?”

“No, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind.” Ellana said through a fake smile.

“Ahh, the apostate then.” Vivienne went back to reading her book.

“Fenedhis! Does everyone know?” Ellana was irritated.

“Language, darling. Besides. It is not my place to interfere in such matters.”

Ellana knew Vivienne didn’t mean to annoy her but at that moment she wanted to blast her into the next Dragon Age.

When they arrived in Orlais they traveled straight to the Estate of Duke Bastien de Ghislain.

Vivienne explained to Ellana why she had required the Snowy Wyvern heart. She shared how she had come to know the Duke, ‘Bastien’ as she called him. And even how she, The Iron Lady, had fallen in love.

Of course, this was about love. Ellana could not seem to escape the subject.

Despite Vivienne’s efforts, she was unable to save her beloved Bastien.

Ellana placed a hand on Vivienne’s shoulder in an act of compassion before showing herself out. She deserved time to say her goodbyes.

The days in Orlais were not as relaxing as she had hoped. Josephine had arranged for Ellana to use this time to meet with several nobles in the hopes of extending the Inquisitions’s influence and connections. Every night she awoke drenched and shaking from nightmares. This had not been the relaxing escape she’d hoped for. And when Vivienne finally approached her to leave, it felt like they had only just arrived.

The carriage ride home was much the same. Mostly silence and reading. Ellana relished it.

She was deep in thought when she felt a slight touch on her knee.

“My dear I know you must have a great deal on your mind right now, but I have something for you.” Vivienne smiled. It never reached her eyes but she tried. She handed Ellana a beautiful blue box wrapped in a lovely white bow.

“A gift for me? But why?” Ellana was surprised. 

“For assisting me in my time of need, Darling.” Vivienne replied.

“Can I open it?” Ellana asked excitedly.

“ _May_ I open it, Inquisitor.” Vivienne corrected. “Of course, you may. It would be rude not to.”

“Ellana opened the box. The packaging was so lovely she didn’t want to destroy it. Her heart fluttered a little.

Fancy Orlesian smalls. The silky ones with lace edging. In more colors that Ellana thought possible. 

“From what I recall, you are quite fond of these, are you not?” Vivienne was obviously pleased with her choice.

“Oh Vivienne, they are so lovely. And yes, I am quite fond of them. Thank you.”

“Of course, darling. I have something else to give you.”

Hardly skipping a beat, she continued. “As I previously stated, it is not my place to interfere, but if there is a chance for you to have what Bastien and I had, I suggest you pursue it with every tool at your disposal, my dear.” Vivienne smiled at her. The smile did not mask the sadness in her eyes.

“And you are most welcome.” Vivienne opened her book signaling the conversation was over.

Ellana smiled at Vivienne. She wasn’t all iron and sharp words after all.

“It is quite rude to stare, my dear.” Vivienne said without bothering to look up from the page.

_______________________________________________________________________________

It has only been one day since returning to Skyhold. Ellana had spent it meeting with her advisors, signing requisitions and taking care of urgent business.

She replayed the conversation with Vivienne in her head over and over again. She did indeed have tools at her disposal and it was time to employ them.

Somehow in all of this she had forgotten who she was. HE had forgotten who she was. It was time to remind him.

When her responsibilities for the day were executed, the time had come.

Ellana made her way to the rotunda.

For the first time in several weeks she saw him. Leaning over an artifact on his desk. He was as beautiful as ever. She never understood why he tried so hard to hide his regal nature. It was obvious from the moment Ellana had first met Solas that he was more than what he showed the world.

She knocked on the door lightly.

“Solas, it’s me. May I come in?” greeted Ellana in a soft voice.

“Of course, Inquisitor.” Solas replied with a hint of cool indifference and formality. “How may I be of service?”

Ellana closed the door behind her.

For a moment Ellana saw panic in his expression. Like an animal backed into a corner. But it was gone as quickly as it had come. She maintained her distance from him out of respect. Despite that fact that the moment she laid eyes on him she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around his neck and embrace him.

“I…Um…How have you been? I have not seen you for some time.” Ellana said. Sounding as relaxed and casual as she possibly could.

“I have been deep in my studies Inquisitor, please forgive my lack of attention”. Solas smiled warmly at her and Ellana relaxed.

Ellana reminded herself that she had come here for a reason. For many reasons.

“It’s just that, the nightmares Solas…they’re back.” She said evenly.

Solas paused for several moments before responding.

“I am sorry to hear that Inquisitor, perhaps now that we are back at Skyhold one of our healers can aid you with your sleep troubles,” Solas spoke to her with little emotion. Ellana recognized his attempt to create distance between them. To push her away.

She decided that she would not allow it.

Ellana took a deep breath. She walked around the desk, running her hand over the soft grain wood. Pretending to admire its beauty as she made her way towards Solas.

“I do not wish to share my troubles with some random healer Solas,” her voice softened. “I need my friend, Ha’ren”. She looked up at him through her long dark lashes.

“Da'len,” He whispered. Ellana was unsure if she was meant to hear.

He seemed to drift off into thought and Ellana took the opportunity to close the already small space between them.

Ellana inhaled deeply, taking in his scent. She was close enough that she could have stood on her toes and their lips would have met. Instead she pulled out the Orlesian smalls she had tucked into her pocket. The perfect gift. It was high time someone else besides her felt them. She pressed them into his hand. He reached for her hand in return. Not seeming to register that she was giving him…something.

“I promise, this will make things easier Ha’ren.” She said softly. Surely, he could feel her breath on his lips.

He stood before her like a statue. Seemingly unable to look away. But before he had the opportunity to over-analyze or chastise in his typical fashion. She simply turned and left.

“Vivienne would be so proud.” She said to herself as she left him standing there. Positive he was still gaping after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually love Vivienne despite her desire to reinstate the circles. There is something about a powerful unapologetic woman. In reality my personality is probably closer to hers than anyone else in the game. Now..how do I get people to start referring to me as 'The Iron Lady'?
> 
> Second to last chapter. I think its time we hit the 'launch button'. What do you say kids?"
> 
> "Magic 8-ball, do you see a Cullen 'fix-it' in the future?"  
> \- All signs point to yes.


	9. “That thing you said?”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana is done playing. Well. In a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys should know me by now. Of course its NSFW.

Ellana paced back and forth. What had she done?

Had this been a mistake? It was getting late and there was no sign of Solas. Did he not understand? Or had she pushed too far?

Oh well. It is done. Ellana was tired of waiting and most importantly, just plain tired. She curled up into her bed and closed her eyes.

When she opened them, it felt like only a few minutes had passed. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust. She was in Skyhold. The fire was dying. The room was warm but not the natural warmth she felt in her dreams. This was no dream.

She smelled him before she felt him. Solas was here. Near her. In her bed with her.

Ellana knew from his breath that he was not asleep. She could feel his heart racing. She did not feel panicked or afraid. It felt right. As if he belonged here. As if he should have always been. She moved her body back so that she was against him. The heat from his body enveloped her. She was warm, safe. And he was rock hard against her.  

Ellana was aware that she was naked from the waist down. She wore nothing under her shift intentionally. Hopeful in her promise. She resisted the urge to pull the hem down over her exposed bottom. She needed to feel him against her. She arched her back and rubbed against his body. There was no mistaking that her actions were intentional. An invitation.

She felt an immediate loss when he rolled away from her. However, he was not leaving. Ellana did not know how she knew, but she was sure that he was here to stay with her. He had come for her.

When he rolled back towards her the sensation of his skin directly against hers set her on fire. Even the thin nightshirt felt oppressive, like armor. She wanted it gone.  

Solas’s cock rested thick and heavy against her thigh. He pushed forward pushing the tip of him between Ellana’s thighs, she rocked back against him.

Ellana reached up and around to grasp the back of Solas’s head. She tried to turn over but he held her body in place. She tried desperately to look at him over her shoulder. When their eyes met, a pained expression crossed his brow. He buried his face into her neck as if hiding.

“Solas. You came to me”. Ellana’s raspy voice somewhere between sleep and desire.

Solas reached around running his hands under the front of her shift. His touch was tortuously light. He drew increasingly larger drew circles under her breast until the tips of his calloused fingers were grazing her nipples.

Ellana whimpered. No one was around to hear her. She did not know why she was holding back.   

Solas continued to move his cock back and forth just between her thighs. Parting her wet folds but never entering her. Ellana arched in a way that would allow him inside. She was tired of waiting. She wanted him inside of her. The tip of his hardness, soaked with precum and her wetness slid just past her lips, pushing just far enough to open her entrance to him. He could have slid all the way inside of her. But instead Solas pulled back, sliding a hand under her hip to gain control.

Ellana made a desperate, begging sound.

Solas continued his ministrations. Fucking her thighs and coating himself in her wetness as he slid against and between her lips. Moving in a way that pushed against that sensitive spot that made her keen.

He removed the hand that grazed her nipples. Ellana whined at the loss. His hand now free threaded into her hair.

“You knew then…that night in the tent, you knew?” He said slowly, breathlessly into her ear. Running his lips along its length. Causing Ellana to squeeze her thighs together around him.

For a moment she was confused. Is that what all of this had been about? Whether she knew he wanted her? After all, she had been trying to seduce him for months. All of this time he simply needed to hear it.

“Yes, I knew. Now finish what you have started,” she pleaded over her shoulder.

Solas dug his hand into her hip and slid into her. Fully seating himself inside of her.

Ellana cried out. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head.  

Solas held her there. Inside of her but not moving. Ellana wasn’t sure if he was savoring the feeling or giving her time to adjust to his considerable size. Despite the sweetness of the burning stretch, she was thankful for the pause.

When Solas finally pulled back he paused again. Sliding in even slower this time. He seemed to love to torture her, Ellana thought.

Soon his thrusts came quicker. Harder. More insistent. Until his hips met her ass with a loud, wet clapping sound.

When he pulled her hair back, hard enough to just sting a little, Ellana came without warning. Grasping at the sheets. Trying desperately to find something to hold on to. Her walls clamped down on him. She could feel the rush of warm wetness.

Solas’s thrusts became erratic. Burying himself into her deeper and deeper.

“Isalan gara suin na!” He called out. Suddenly she felt his grasp on her tighten. Holding her so tight, almost to the point of pain. She would definitely have bruises tomorrow. And then he was shuddering.

Solas let out a guttural growl as he came. He pressed his head to hers breathing onto her neck. Coating her insides with hot liquid.

Solas held Ellana there long enough for him begin to grow soft inside of her. His hot seed dripping out of her.

“Forgive me vhenan.” His voice full of sadness and regret. I am nothing more than era'harel. A demon. I do not deserve you. I allowed myself to gaze upon your naked flesh, to touch you without being certain it was what you wanted. I came here tonight to confess. And rather than tell you I gave in to my desires to have you. You should not suffer my presence. You must send me away. It would be kinder in the long run.”

Ellana pulled away from him. Allowing him to slip out of her. She turned to face him. How did she go from having the most amazing night of her life to being completely and utterly annoyed and angry?

 _I will not let him ruin this._ She thought.

As she lay there on her side staring into his eyes. She saw so many emotions. It was as if this were the first time, she was seeing Solas. No mask. No pretending. In that moment there were no barriers between them. Ellana was overcome with the need to protect him. To love him. But Dorian had been right about one thing. She needed to understand what he wanted.

“Do you seek my forgiveness or your dismissal Solas?” she asked.

He paused for several moments. Staring into her eyes before he answered.

“Both, Inquisitor,” he finally responded.

“Ellana. My name is Ellana.” Cullen may pull this Inquisitor nugshit but she would not stand for it from Solas. Not after everything. Not like this.

“I seek both, Ellana.” He relented.

Ellana thought back to her conversation with Vivienne.

No. This was her great love. The one for which she would risk death in the jaws of a snowy wyvern. Ellana was not about to let it go without a proper fight.

She leaned in and kissed him. Gently at first. Solas reached up to run his hand over her cheek. He leaned in to kiss her again before pulling away. Looking for confirmation in her eyes. Ellana allowed herself to be swept away. Allowed him to take the lead. He leaned in again, this time his tongue parted her lips. And they ignited.

Creators his lips were everything she has thought they would be. She was still in disbelief that he had been inside of her before kissing her. But when had she ever done things the easy way?

Ellana broke the kiss and held his face in place. Forcing him to look into her eyes. To see her and hear her.

“There is nothing to forgive ha’ren,” she said. He tried to drop his gaze but she lifted his chin forcing his focus back on her.

“I have wanted you for so long. Your feelings did not appear from nothing. You did not act without provocation. I found you alone at every opportunity. I allowed my touches to linger for much too long. I called you into my tent more times than the nightmares plagued me,” she confessed. “I wanted nothing more than to be near you. Had I known this...you...I would not have tortured you so. I summoned you. There is nothing to forgive Sol...”

Solas interrupted her with his lips.

Ellana knew he was still running from her. Now was the time to remind him of who she was.

“I do not grant you leave from me Solas.” She whispered into his open mouth.  But if you want to make it up to me, then do so ma’ vhenan,” as she reached down and wrapped her fingers around his already stiffening cock.

Solas searched her expression with wide eyes. As if looking to find the truth in her words. His eyes were still locked on hers. He held his breath as she stoked his hard shaft. He finally exhaled when Ellana rubbed her thumb over this tip of him. Spreading the bead of wetness that had formed there.

Solas abruptly rolled her over so that he was positioned on top her. He buried his head into her neck, and inhaled deeply.

Ellana stared at the ceiling, not really seeing as she was overwhelmed by sensation. He was forceful and yet almost reverent in his kisses. It felt as if he were trying to explore every inch of her with his lips.

She would allow it she decided.

Solas lifted himself above her.

 _He looks like a god_. She thought. Smooth golden skin. Eyes like fiery pools. For a moment seeing him like this made Ellana feel small and insignificant.

Solas reached down and grabbed the hem of her nearly tattered shift. He pulled it over her head and tossed it across the room as if he found the garment offensive. How dare it come between she and his touch. He smiled mischievously at her, leaving her fairly certain she never wanted to be dressed again.  

Solas kissed a trail down between her breasts before taking one in his hand. Ellana watched as he teased and sucked her nipple. Looking up at her in a way that made her melt. When he lightly bit down Ellana arched her back into him. He greedily sucked and licked until they were pink and swollen. Ellana tried to squeeze her thighs together for any kind of friction.

Clearly Solas had other plans as he pushed her legs apart with his before reaching down and lazily stroking her opening with a single finger. His finger tracing up to her swollen clit. Ellana could feel the pressure building.

In the midst of her near over-stimulation Solas pulled away. Before Ellana had a chance to react he pushed himself down on the bed and replaced his finger with his eager mouth.

He teased her with the flat of his tongue. Running it up and down but not quite touching the little spot she most wanted him to. He expertly worked one and then two fingers inside of her. Immediately finding that rough patch inside of her that made her reach out and grab the back of his head. Pushing her hips forward. No consideration for propriety and decency. Ellana ground herself onto his open mouth. Chasing her release.

Solas, however seemed to take his pleasure in drawing her’s out. Bringing her close before pulling away. Over and over again until Ellana thought she would go mad with need. Finally, he took her little bud into his mouth and began to suck. Ellana was lost. Bucking hard, she yelled out. He held her hips firmly in place, not allowing a single drop of her nectar to be spilled.

 _Fenedhis I love this man_. She thought. Her body began to relax as she rode out the last of the waves of pleasure. She was so sensitive as he kissed his way gently up her thigh, and then her belly, followed by her hard, raw nipples.

She smiled as he leaned over her. They locked eyes. “Vhenan, that was…”

Ellana was interrupted as Solas pushed his impossibly hard cock into her. She cried out in surprised. Unsure of how much more she could take. She squeezed her eyes shut, lost in the bliss.

“No!” Solas growled at her. “Look at me vhenan. See me,” he ordered.

Her eyes shot open. In that moment Ellana saw the other Solas, the one from her dreams. The one that seduced her without shame or hesitation. The one that called her Ma’haurasha.

Ellana shuddered beneath him.  “Ar lath ma!” The words came out seemingly on their own.

He grabbed her leg and pulled it up over his hip. Allowing him to go deeper. His pace was relentless, nearly brutal. But his face told her all she needed to know. He looked at her as if she were the only woman in all of Thedas.  

The possessiveness and power in his eyes pushed Ellana over the edge again.

“Fen’harel, take me”, she cursed.

Solas looked at her with shock and desire in equal parts. He dug his fingers into her leg and his hips snapped hard against her as he let go inside of her again. Coating her walls as he cried out.

Ellana was quite sure that if all of Skyhold had not heard her, surely, they had heard him.

Solas still gripped her leg. Nails dug in. Face buried into her neck.

He held her there for several minutes. Not moving. Seemingly unwilling to let go.

Eventually he released her and pulled back so that they still faced each other.

Ellana finally had what she had been waiting for. She never wanted to let go. She reached her hand to caress the side of his face as he pulled back to look at her.

She could not help but smile at him. And he returned the smile. No pain in his expression. Genuine, warm. Love. He caressed her hair. Looking as if he were memorizing her. Memorizing this moment.  

“Vhenan,” he whispered. “That thing you said?”

Ellana had no regrets. It was the truth and she was done pretending. _No one should have to hide who they are._

“Ar lath ma, vhenan.” She leaned in and caught his bottom lip playfully in her teeth.

Solas kissed her deeply before pulling away.

“Ar lath ma, vhenan.” He replied as he held her against him.

Ellana’s heart was full.

“No, vhenan. I was referring to the other thing you said.”

Ellana had to consider for a second.

“Fen’harel, take me?” She laughed. “What can I say? Heat of the moment. It just slipped out.”

Solas smiled deviously.

“Did you mean it?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are. Our little adventure has come to an end. I had so much fun writing this and I really hope you enjoyed reading it. This is definitely not goodbye for Ellana. More of a see you later.  
> I want to thank everyone who left kudos a comments. Interacting with readers is now my favorite part of AOO. I truly appreciate you!
> 
> Also keep an eye out for the smutty little one-shot (?) that will spin off from this. 
> 
> Elvhen translations thanks to FenXShiral.  
> Ma’haurasha - One who makes me hard  
> Isalan gara suin na – I want to come inside of you.


End file.
